Can i not drive my cunt home
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
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