I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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