Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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