Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
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