We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
