i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
