i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
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