Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
