Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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