If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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