there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
