She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
