I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
my poor anus
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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