Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
