I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
oh god the rape fog is back!
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Just pee around me
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Randomize
