Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
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