I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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