I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
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