her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
