so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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