I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
