I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Randomize
