I got her a Nickelback box set.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
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