She said her name was "party"
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Randomize
