were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Randomize
