we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Also, beer. Big fan.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
