I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
