I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Randomize
