You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
