DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
