Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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