When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
You may now shotgun with the bride
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
