i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
