Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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