Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
