So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
