you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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