I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
