Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Randomize
