when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
