Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
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