i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
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