He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
