the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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