every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Randomize
