FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
