new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
