your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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