you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
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