sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
