adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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