I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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