I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
