Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
