She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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